A Good Old Fashioned Freak Show down Ibrox way

“Roll up, Roll up to see the incredible bearded lady”

“Roll up, Roll up to see the man with Lizard Skin”

“Roll up, Roll up to see the freak of sport play at Ibrox”

Two of these cries would commonly be heard shouted from the streets of the UK in the mid 19 century through the early 20^th century; the latter cry is heard from the wee temporary porta-cabin along edminston drive. For The The Rangers are the modern day freak show, a side show to rival the strong men and mermaid ladies of the touring troupes of a bygone era when affliction and disfigurement were seen as something to thrill and fear in equal measure.

The The Rangers are a new team playing in the fourth tier of Scottish Football with resources grotesquely outweighing their lowly part-time opponents and in fact almost outweighing the resources of the combined 11 teams in the SPL excluding Celtic.

Ally McCoist has been gifted a squad of 24 first team players backed up by in excess of 30 reserve and under 19 players. Players on high wages have remained at ibrox in the shape of lee Wallace; Lee McCulloch; Neil Alexander, Bocanegra and Goian (all at time of writing!) and have added SPL players on SPL wages in the form of sandazza; shields; black and Kevin kyle.

I tweeted after their last gasp draw at Peterhead that McCoist’s managerial challenge at the moment is akin to starting a game of Football Manager in Div 3, using a cheat code that gives you a salary budget £6 million more than all the other teams in the league. And still he couldn’t win but what does it say about his managerial confidence that he has to play the cheat code? It wont be like that every week as the the Rangers will largely canter every home game at ibrox and narrowly win / draw away from home most weeks - there will of course be the one defeat, its almost inevitable. However the match ups are a sporting freak, there is no other league contest like it in the world, which is why for now the interest in it is high.

The domestic cups will bring them the opportunity to draw Celtic at some stage, but perhaps I’m alone amongst the Celtic fans in feeling that I don’t want that to happen, I don’t want to give that club or their fans one sniff at the big times over the next few years. I want Celtic Park to remain free of their pollution and any observer of McCoist’s cup record last year will view this as being extremely unlikely in any case.

Freak show performers in the 1890s could command up to £20 a week, the equivalent of £1,500 today; although I believe Davie Dodds commanded a fee much higher than this and these huge sums even led some without genuine disabilities to get in on the act. Which leads me on to the players who have signed - Sandazza; Shields and Black who have dropped three divisions to pick up wages that could not have been offered by any other team showing an interest. They can talk about their love of the the Rangers and the high profile of the club but the bottom line is they have chosen to dumb down and halt the progression of their playing development for the lure of easy money and easy games. 

Every great side show needs a showman to promote it and draw the crowds in, step forward the modern day P.T Barnum Mr Charles (its nowt to do with us) Green. The showman would often have an alter ego; a stage persona that became a public identity that his audience could recognise, they rarely allowed their freaks to be seen before the show in order to preserve the element of shock and surprise – although green had one of his out in the ticket queue serving teas this week.

Green like his 19^th century counterparts has stirred up the audience by appealing to the lowest common denominator in the support by igniting their favourite mantra “No-one likes us we don’t care”. His claims of bigotry being the motivator for putting the club in the position it is in today is all that was needed to rally the masses and create the siege mentality and “we are the people” drama. Sometimes it’s not the show itself which attracts the crowd but the tale they are told to get them there.

The average showman was also often times susceptible to the spreading of the occasional mis-truth in order to extract a little extra cash from his crowd and create further interest in his show with fake acts. Green has spoken of further investment coming into the club to the tune of £20 million; talk of investors in the shape of Mike Ashley and he has spoke of giving the fans the chance to name Murray Park – none of which has materialised. His latest performance to the queue at ibrox was text book and was just the final bit of icing on the cake, “whilst them lot over there are against us, I’m not leaving” he said pointing ambiguously towards Hampden / Parkhead. The perfect showman and of course his sideshow is going unchallenged in the mainstream media.

I haven’t really seen any commentators questioning the pheasability of what is going on under the circus tent. A quick calculation of the wage bill of the 54 playing staff comes up with an approximate cost of in excess of £6million a season alone. Add to this the running costs of staging the games; back office staff; coaching staff costs; maintenance and running costs of ibrox /murray park and you have yourself a sizeable liability in the region of £12-£14 million to fund. Given the likely income from season tickets and gate receipts based on an average through the season of 35,000 (being generous) is £8-9 million (depending on number of concession tickets) there is a big gap to filled by hospitality / advertising / TV income. Never mind it will never happen again will it??

And so to the fans, the ones who are propping up this freak show after kneeling at the altar of false gods in the shape of walter (mitty) smith and john bomber brown they have no option other than to put their blind deluded loyalty into the showman. Like the crowds who rolled up in yesteryear Victorian times the the rangers fans are seeking an escape from the hardships of life, something to take their minds off their financial woes and seek out a form of entertainment to fill their empty weekend. For a small entrance fee, they can enter a world of sporting wonder and human oddities, unlike anything they’ve ever seen as their financially over inflated team take to the field to show the lowly part timers they really are the people. Headlines screaming today of world record attendances at lower league games must make them proud to show the rest of Scotland their defiance and the crowds will remain for the first few months at least.

However like the freak shows of the past the interest will start to waiver amongst even the hardened blue nose hacks who when all the fervor of the opening games is stripped away are left with the reality that they are reporting on a mis-match week in week out in division 3. The crowds will start to realise that once they have seen one bearded lady you really have seen them all and what have you got to look forward to next season? More of the same types of games and clubs visiting. I may be showing my ignorance but If you said the name of one of the bottom 20 clubs to me I couldn’t tell you if they were in division 2 or division 3. How many fans will leave the bosom of their family on boxing day to brave a 90 mins at ibrox watching the the Rangers play clyde? The alternative derby. Those who have bought season tickets will soon become the showmen as they try to entice their friends to take their seat when they can no longer stomach it.

Its at this point Green with the help of his obliging media will have to pull something big out the showman’s hat or just simply shoot an enemy of "the people" out of a cannon at half time every week to keep the crowds in.